Today, I was looking at old photos from my past. Photos with old friends and people I used to be very close with. While doing this, the song “You and Me” by Lifehouse comes on my Pandora station. I haven’t listened to this song in years. This was my ex-boyfriend and my “song” in high school. Sometimes I think the universe drops these things into our lives to make us reflect on our past and move in the right direction for the future. Reflecting back, it sure is funny how certain songs, lyrics, and music in general bring everything back to you as if it were yesterday; sometimes for the best or the worst.
Life Questioning : How do we move forward, while holding onto memories, while not being stuck in the past, but looking towards the future and living in the present? What a doozie, I know. I am sure if we had this answer a lot of us would have an easier time living in the now, reflecting on the past but not holding onto it, and having a positive outlook for the future.
I had never truly lost something/someone super important to me until the past year. I don’t even know if I want to use the terminology “lost” because it’s not that it is lost, it just wasn’t good anymore. People grow and change and life ebbs and flows. I don’t know if “lost” is a good term to use for the ending of relationships either platonic or non-platonic. So here’s the question in the making - How do we hold on to the wonderful memories, heal the hurt, trust again, and build intimacy with others when sometimes the hurt from the past takes over?
I am sure each and every one of us has lost someone we valued and trusted very much. We have all experienced breaking up, growing apart from friends, and loosing people due to death. This process of “loosing” is something every human can relate to but it seems like a lot of us do not want to write, discuss, or listen about the topic. Do we fear loss? Do we want to hold on tight to comfort? I don’t have the answers, but I have been pondering it lately.
Recently, I have been reflecting on how to navigate loosing people in life, growing and learning from hurt without letting bitterness take over. I used to be such a care free soul before my long-term relationship. I now feel like I have twenty walls up with a mote around me with tons of alligators in it. I am an extrovert and love chatting with people, BUT actually, I mean actually letting people in seems so much more difficult now than it was in the past. As we age and experience hurt, do we build more walls to keep people out? How do we let people into our inner-selves and how do we develop intimacy after intimacy has been damaged?
I think as humans we learn and grow from everything we experience. I have been trying to navigate how to let go and move on from the past in a healthy manner. Life goes on and as Bob Dylan said, “keep on keeping on.”
Some quotes :
"Be Soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, You still believe it to be a beautiful place."
"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open. With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you can really endure, that you really are strong and that you really do have worth. And you learn and learn and learn with every goodbye you learn." -Veronica A. Shoffstall
Just some relationship reflection for now.....